Jade came from a chaotic upbringing. Her mum had mental health issues and was in and out of destructive relationships. This left Jade feeling like she could never really talk about what was going on, and she felt very unhappy a lot of the time.
“To be honest, it was a bit of a given that I was going to end up taking drugs. My first drugs were aerosols, alcohol and weed – it was a way to fit in and have a laugh with my mates. My older brother thought that he was protecting me by giving me drugs – he thought “you’re going to take them anyway, you might as well take them with me”, so I first tried cocaine when I was 13 and my drug use just progressed from there.”
Jade was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at the age of 17, and had her first episode of drug-induced psychosis when she was 20. When she recovered from that episode, Jade swore she’d never take drugs again. But she did.
After finishing school, Jade trained as a mental health nurse. She was desperate to understand herself and thought that she could help her mum by going into this line of work too. Despite all of her own mental health issues and problems with substances, Jade thrived at work, putting all of her energy into it.
“At times, it felt like I was just performing, living this pretence that everything was OK when actually my home life was a mess. My job kept me sick, as for a long time, I thought I couldn’t be an addict. In my mind, it wasn’t possible, because I was a nurse. When I finally realised I needed help, I didn’t feel able to seek it because of the job.”
Unfortunately, Jade put herself in some really dangerous situations to obtain drugs, which ultimately led to her being assaulted. When she reported this to the police, they reported her to the nursing council, which led to an investigation at work. Dealing with the trauma and the loss of what felt like everything around her, Jade made an attempt to end her life.
“I truly could not see a way out of the pain I was in and it made sense to me to no longer be alive. As a result of this, I very nearly did die, and I ended up in a coma.”
When she came round – despite the fact she was in intensive care – Jade’s first thought was drugs. She ended up using drugs in intensive care and then again in the psychiatric hospital she was transferred to, but could not see what she was doing to herself and the correlation between her poor state of mind and the drug use.
“One of the nurses in the hospital mentioned that I would benefit from rehab, but I thought it was a bit of a dramatic statement. My cousin also mentioned rehab and because I trust her I started to think about it. Even then, when I decided to go, I did it for the wrong reasons: all I was focussed on was getting my job back. I thought that if I could keep hold of my career as a nurse, everything would be ok.”
Jade went to rehab and although she completed her treatment there, she relapsed not long after. She felt that recovery was worse, and couldn’t deal with the guilt and shame of what she was doing to those around her. Jade overdosed again and was thankfully found, so ended up back in hospital.
“As soon as you start being accountable, people notice when you don’t check in. I was still in touch with people from rehab and the fellowships, including a girl called Melissa that I’d formed a really close bond with. She made the effort to reach out and check in on me. At first, I couldn’t understand why people were still bothering with me, I had hurt so many people I didn’t know how people could still have faith in me.”
Jade decided that she wanted to go back to rehab, to give recovery another try. This time, it was much harder. She really had to fight to be allowed to go to rehab again, not only because she’d relapsed after the first time, but because her mental health was so poor. The Amy Winehouse Foundation paid for Jade to go back in to treatment. She ended up in a small, all female, trauma based rehab that accepted dual diagnosis. It wasn’t easy, her mental health felt like it was being held together by very thin string and she suffered a lot of resurfacing of trauma.
After finishing treatment, Jade ended up in the same dry house as Melissa happened to be in. A key worker there who was a Radio 5 Live listener told Melissa about a competition that the BBC were running. It was called the Rachel Bland Podcast Award, and was set up in memory of a BBC presenter who had created a podcast before she passed away called, “You, Me, and the Big C”, about living with cancer.
The competition was for people who had no experience in media, aimed at creating a new podcast to reach an unseen and unheard community which needed the narrative changing.
“Melissa and I had talked about how little was out there in the mainstream media about addiction and recovery. We decided to go for it together – she did the initial draft of the submission and gave it to me to read and tweak.”
They thought their experiences – as individuals who a lot of people might not think would have issues with addiction (Melissa was a teacher and Jade was a nurse) might help challenge some of the stereotypes there are about ‘what kind of people’ are addicts. Because it was the BBC, they knew it was a massive platform, which was a lot of pressure, but also an amazing opportunity to be a voice for those who may otherwise not have been heard.
They’ve had incredible guests on the show – from their counsellor at the rehab they met at, to family and friends, and even former BBC presenter Richard Bacon.
“It was really nerve-wracking at first, and I had proper imposter syndrome, but gradually I grew in confidence and felt worthy of doing it. It’s been therapeutic as well. We want to be as honest as possible.”
The podcast has won some awards, including Best British Radio Programme of the year and a Silver Award in the Wellbeing category at the British Podcast awards. These achievements remind Jade why she took the risk in the first place to share her story so openly. Jade has also recently been offered a new job, which she has accepted.
“Nursing is my passion and I’m so grateful to say I have been offered a job in a child and adolescent mental health ward. It will be my first nursing post since coming in to recovery so I am nervous as well as excited, but cautiously optimistic about where my career will go. I went into nursing to help people, and I feel that what we’ve done with the podcast too. What better way to help people than share your truth? I’m really proud of what I’ve achieved.”
