The Forward Trust’s Christmas Appeal 2022

Dear friend of The Forward Trust,

You and I haven’t met before, but my children, Gabby, Harry* and I hope that we can take just a little of your time ahead of Christmas. You see, over the last few months, our family has made some major changes to our lives which will mean that, for the first time in years, we expect to have a happy, peaceful Christmas. We know that, for some people, this is normal. But for many people affected by a family member’s addiction – like we are – it will be a new and precious thing. Something to really celebrate.

Three years ago during Christmas, we discovered my husband was suffering with addiction… Christmas was never the same again.

Three years ago during Christmas, we discovered my husband was suffering with addiction. He had spent money intended for family presents on his drug use. On Christmas Day, he was unable to cope because he was withdrawing. We were walking on eggshells around him. Even the children playing with their new toys was too much for him. It was horrendous. We went to my mum’s for a while, but we knew we’d have to return home later. We knew he’d be angry – he and my mum don’t get on, because addiction has got in the way of that relationship too. And Christmas was never the same again.

Addiction is not a choice. It certainly wasn’t for my husband. His addiction developed after he was prescribed medication to treat severe pain. But as he became dependent on those pills, things escalated rapidly and began ruining life for our family. Addiction has changed his behaviour. I experienced abuse from my husband. He stole. I didn’t want to come home from work to him in the evenings. I also wanted to keep him under lock and key, to protect him from his addiction. When he relapses, it’s still a kick in the teeth.

It’s the same for my children. Gabby says to me, it’s too difficult to talk to other kids – even teachers. They say “my mum drinks too”. They say “try not to worry, it’ll be fine”. They don’t know what it feels like: constantly worrying that everything is going to kick off; not having enough money.

But there is one thing that has helped us to make the changes we needed to: M-PACT . In M-PACT, we learned that the addiction is my husband’s, and that addiction is the problem. We worked on ourselves. My children met other kids going through similar things. Finally, no one said to me, “just leave him”. Everyone we met there understood that it’s the addiction that’s hurting us all. M-PACT is a Forward Trust service, which supports family members affected by a loved one’s addiction, replacing its destructive power with openness and honesty. We are still in touch with families we met during M-PACT.

M-PACT has made such a difference to us. It provides a safe space for children to talk about a parent’s or family member’s addiction. It supports families with communication and coping strategies. And this year, it has helped us to save our Christmas.

Addiction is something you can’t stop thinking about, even when you’re sleeping.

We found out about M-PACT through our social worker and took part in March this year. My husband agreed to move out. Just afterwards, it was my son, Harry’s, birthday. Things were different. We set boundaries on the day. We spent time with my husband, but we kept addiction outside our safe family space. We valued the time together. It was amazing. The distance and perspective we have gained has helped so, so much.

This Christmas, we are going to have fun. The children will play with their toys. We will see family. We might even see my husband for a while.

It still hurts to tell you that we are separate – but being separate for now helps us to appreciate the good times together.

If my family’s story helps one other person, I think it’s worth sharing it.

Please support The Forward Trust to help families like mine have a happier, more hopeful Christmas.

Zoe, Gabby and Harry

_{*All names have been changed to protect privacy}

All funds raised will be used by The Forward Trust to support families like us.

• £5 could provide art materials to help a child affected by family addiction express themselves during M-PACT
• £20 could provide a family of four with a peaceful evening meal to re-connect during M-PACT
• £50 could pay for supervision sessions for two expert M-PACT practitioners – vital so they can safely and effectively help families like mine
• £200 could fund two expert M-PACT practitioners to deliver one day of M-PACT for a family like mine
• £1,000 could fund the development of a module for The Forward Trust’s parenting programme