National Coming Out Day –

For me, ‘coming out’ was a bit of an anti-climax.  I was living in Glasgow at the time and I phoned home to friends back home in Kent and said “I’ve started seeing someone”, everyone replied “Oh, cool.  What’s her name? What’s she like?” I said “His name is Steve” (not his real name), and the responses I got were so casual, like “Excellent! What’s he like, then?”

Growing up in the 80/90s where there was a lot of homophobia and acceptance of gay people was limited, I expected the response to my coming out to be one of shock or even disgust.  But it wasn’t. I had rehearsed this scenario in my head countless times and, as a chronic overthinker, built it up in my head as headline news.  Truth was, most people already ‘knew’, or at least assumed, I was gay.

Oddly, I’ve never ‘come out’ to my family – it just is.  I come from a large family and tried to hide my sexuality but in actual fact, everyone kinda knew.

A mistake many people outside of the LGBTQ+ community make, is that people think you just come out once.  This isn’t the case for a lot of us.  It can seem like you come out on a daily basis.  From going to work, in the supermarket, at the GP surgery, at a friend’s birthday party.  Heteronormative assumptions can sometimes make it a bit of a chore, having to explain you don’t have wife, but do have a husband or vice versa.  Or that you are single at the moment and interested in both men and women.  It can, sometimes, feel like you judge a room before deciding how much of yourself you can be, how much you let people into your life.  But, I can tell you, it does get easier and your self-confidence, self-acceptance and “proud-ness” gets a boost every time.

I dream of the day when “coming out” isn’t even a thing.  When we are all accepted for who we are, by everyone.  Until that time comes, if someone discloses to you that they are LGBTQ+, don’t make a big deal.  Don’t gasp in shock.  Just a simple “thanks for sharing that with me” or “I really appreciate you telling me.  Is there anything more I can do to support?”